the fallen

it's hard to believe, but it's six months (today) since Razz died.

i'd been wondering how to mark the occasion and a few days ago i heard a really nice piece of music when my ipod shuffled on to it.

i've made a slideshow using that music and a bunch of photos i took when i was coincidentally in Brighton on the weekend that the news broke. i posted a couple of those photos on my post Remembering Razz, back in April.

i hope you like the music.

thanks
torchy

[>_<]

June 26 — 90th Day

In my previous post I stated that it used to be customary to offer Masses on the 30th and 90th days after death or burial. I was correct about the 30th day, but I find no reference to the 90th day in my 1952 missal. Nevertheless, since torchy! reminded me of what I had said, here is a prayer for Razz.

Lord, may our prayers come before you and lead Chris your servant to eternal joy. You created him in your image and made him your son. In your mercy now welcome him to a place in your kingdom. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

We remember his hearty joy in living, and hope that it continues in a life beyond the one we see. 

March 26 - April 26

It used to be customary in the Catholic Church to offer a Mass for someone who had died 30 days after the death or the funeral (called a "Month's Mind), 90 days after, and a year after. I understand there is something similar in Jewish practice, at least as far as the month and the"Jahrzeit" (sorry, I don't know the Yiddish spelling).

So for Chris's Month's Mind, here's a prayer from the Catholic funeral liturgy. Lord God, source and destiny of our lives, in your loving providence you gave us Chris to grow in wisdom, age, and grace. Now you have called him to yourself. As we grieve over the loss of one so young, we seek to understand your purpose. Draw him to yourself and give him full stature in Christ. May he stand with all the angels and saints, who know your love and praise your saving will. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen

To Razz - Words Unsaid

I was a "late-comer" to Razz's blog, Doin me head in. I knew him less well than many other bloggers. While I read every post and every post is still stored in my Google Reader, I never had the honor of chatting with him online or via email.

There are words unsaid - by me and by others. And Razz, I found the following poem you wrote (posted on Oct. 12, 2008) - I hope you don't mind that I re-post it as well as the pics:

-----
Words Unsaid

I had a million thoughts running through my head
thinking about all the words we left unsaid
somewhere in the middle of horizon's end
I'm standing all alone while my heart endlessly bled.

All the thoughts of heaven are hanging on me tonight
while the beautiful hour is nearing its final end.
Now alone with my pain and ghostly regrets
the only words left - are the words unsaid.

There's a part of us that is bound forever
by the feelings we shared every time we kissed
like a leaf swept upwards by the horizon's wind
I am floating, rising higher, much higher than I've ever been.

But now you're gone enwrapped by hypnotic grace
I fall away from you, on this rock, that's become my place
cursing life, repenting, regretting with every tear I shed
to my soul 'tis my prison I share with words left unsaid.
-----
I don't know who you wrote that poem for - if you wrote it for anyone in particular at all - but I can say that there are many words left unsaid by all of us. I would like to say that I admired your spirit and the life you infused into your posts. It lingers within, we can still feel your living words. Through your blog you have opened a window to your world, and you have touched and influenced the lives of so many. Can you even count them all? Let me show you (though inevitably I've missed a few):

AJ: Goodbye Razz
Col: Farewell to Razz!
Doug: Razz
E: Razz, Remembered
gay+teen+sydneysider: dear razz
goleftatthefork: Remembrance
Highwayman: Remembering a Brother Blogger
Jay.osa: To a friend lost
Ken: comfort ............ for Chris
Lunatic Ninja: Doin' Me Head In
Naturgesetz: Razz; In Memoriam: Razz
Seth: Loss of Fellow Blogger...
Sethy: It's always a sad thing
Shane: Thank you and goodbye Razz
Steevo: Fond Farewell to Razz
Torchy!: Remembering Razz

I hope one day I will feel I've lived the perfect life as you described it. And as you said in this post, "[W]hatever is beyond death, may we all get the version that we wish for." May your ashes be scattered to the winds in the places most dear to you and your family and close friends.

Farewell Razz (Chris), you are never forgotten. March 26, 2009.
In Memory Of Razz

to a friend lost

What more can be said that has not already been said by others in our group.

We will all miss Razz’s lust for life, his spirit, and how he shared his life with us. We will miss his comments, posts, emails, and the late night chats.

I will miss him, be safe...

Jay.osa

Razz would have done this, right?

I didn't know Chris/Razz very well, except through his blog, which I started following just a over a week ago. But from what I've read, I have a feeling he would have liked this and found this funny. Here's one for you, Chris! Run to your heart's content! We won't forget you!

RC

Remembering Razz

'Quiet Contemplation'
Brighton Beach, April 18th 2009

If you don't know the sad news about Razz (real name Chris), please go and read it now, then come back here.

I can't remember exactly how I came upon Chris, I think he started following my blog, or maybe I clicked through a comment he left somewhere. It was in January sometime. I do remember being impressed with his attitude though, although I was confused by some of the people he was talking about, particularly Ste. I wasn't sure what the relationship was, and I didn't have enough time or was too lazy to read further back in his blog. So I asked him, and he pointed me at a post which told the story of how he and Ste became best friends. It was a really touching story, but I think it has now gone from his blog, sadly.

After reading that, and more of his newer posts, I really was awestruck at what a fantastic young man he was - intelligent, mature, confident, well adjusted and with such a positive outlook and an excellent sense of fun. Not only that, but you could almost feel the love exuding from all the people he talked about - friends, lovers and family. He clearly had a profound impact on all those who knew him.

I barely knew him at all - we exchanged a very small number of mails, and had only one very brief online conversation. By this stage his treatment must have already been well underway, although I thought he 'only' had a broken leg.

With his break from blogging and the content of his posts after he returned, I, and others, were concerned that there was something a lot more seriously wrong than just the leg, particularly after his post about being depressed and scared, and the medical conference call. A short while later I mailed him, suggesting that he add Ste as blogging co-author, to help write things that maybe Chris would find difficult writing himself. Later that same day he posted 'The Scoop'.

My post that day was for him.

The discovery of his illness and the resulting life upheaval, returning from University in America, to say nothing of the treatment he endured, must have been unimaginably scary to deal with, yet he faced it with courage and determination and still kept his sense of humour.

It's good to know that Jay and Chris' other American friends were able to spend spring break in Brighton, although, my God, it must have been tough to see the physical changes in only few short months. You could feel how happy he was at being able to spend that time with his friends.

And then, only a few days later, surrounded by his loved ones, he was gone.

'A New Day'
Brighton, April 19th 2009

A new day dawns and life continues, apparently as normal, but with a Chris-shaped hole in it. Many people will be very sad at his passing, yet at the same time they will feel richer through having known him in some way.

I send my sincere condolences to Jay and Chris' American friends and housemates; to Ste and Cate and, of course, to Chris' parents, sister, relations and other friends. I can only imagine the grief you must feel. My heart goes out to you.

It always seems desperately unfair that someone as young as Chris should pass, but also very unfair that people as young as Jay, Ste and the others should have to deal with this level of grief at their age.

I didn't know Chris well enough to know what he would have wanted, but I suspect he would not have wanted people to grieve for too long, and would rather they celebrated his life. From what I could see, there was plenty to celebrate.

And so, Good People, the next time you've got a drink, raise your glass and give a nod to Chris. Give thanks as we remember the life he had, and think of the special people who are left behind.

God bless you Chris, may your spirit continue to have a positive influence on all you touch

'Soaring'
from Brighton Pier, April 19th 2009

I think it's only right that Chris himself should have the final words in this tribute:

"i’ve just had a bit of time to think and reflect, and i came to realise that up to this point, i’ve actually lived the life that i wanted. and that’s what makes it perfect. that makes me happy."

be at peace
torchy